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As many of
you know, I was a recruiter for almost a year and a half before I switched
companies. Human Resources is my career path in corporate America for the time
being. During the year and a half before
I came to the job and company I love today, I spent the first portion of my
career being an I.T. recruiter (aka “Professional Nerd Stalker), it was very
fast paced environment, with a lot of stress/pressure that quickly burnt out the
many young professionals that joined my former employer. Within the year and four months I worked
there, I saw over 20 people come and go.
In my opinion, the infrastructure of a churn and burn type of employer is
not a good set up. For many reason, including the hiring and training new employees
is a huge cost to employers. But I
digress, that is a topic for another day!
While, my
job was stressful and did eventually burn me out; I did learn some valuable
tools about how to find, select and interview prospective candidates for a job
requisition we received from a client.
One of the biggest keys in being a successful recruiter is being able to
recognize the key skills and attributes that a candidate and the job
requisition(s) bring to the table, the pros/cons of both the candidate and the
requisition and finally how well of a fit each are for each other. There is no such thing as a perfect candidate
or perfect job, however the closer you can get to an ideal fit the better. The employer and the employee will eventually
be happier and more strongly committed. Resulting in lower turnover and long
term employment. A win-win situation for
all parties involved.
It may
seem cliché, however I believe the same strategy can be used for selecting or
dating and eventual future spouses/life partners. The better fit both you and your potential
partner are, the more successful relationship and “contract” you will have for
a long term commitment and satisfaction.
In western culture, we overemphasize in my opinion “following your heart”
and if you just love someone you can make anything work. In traditional eastern culture, the opposite
seems to be emphasized as in the case of arranged marriages. Where the family
presents a potential marriage partner on a number of criteria. From their
physical appearance, education level, current job status, income level, family
status, and a number of other things. To
be successful at a relationship, I believe you need to find a middle ground
between the two philosophies. To utilize
logic while selecting someone that you feel attracted to is the ideal way to
go, as I have found after making my mistakes in relationships.
Naturally,
I err towards being emotionally dominant and impulsive. When I was younger, if
I felt a certain way I would base my
actions off of those feelings. As you
can probably guess, this ended up in nothing less than a couple disastrous situations
that took quite a while to figure out.
Once I figured out that living mindfully, thinking about the possible
results of my actions, and choosing the wisest action did life become simpler
and more successful. In the arena of
dating, I realized that making a list of my requirements for my spouse and
getting to know the potential candidates that I was attracted to through
understanding how they compared to my requirements was the easiest way to be efficient
and not waste precious time on a situation that it wasn’t going to work out. As in a job hiring and candidate situation, while
one person loves a fast pace competitive job, another might thrive in a stable,
calmer environment. Just because a job
or candidate won’t fit each other, doesn’t mean that either are bad. But they just aren’t good for each other. When
evaluating a person in the fit for your life I would suggest making your list
into three sections:
1.
Must Have
2.
Must NOT Have
3.
Negotiable
These
sections must be completely decided for you by yourself. It is not your parents,
best friends or anyone else’s list. Then
evaluate anyone you are interested by this list. As you age, you might find that the list
changes. That is fine. We change, grow
and flow as we age. The most important
thing is that you are honest with yourself with what traits and life choices makes
you happy, what does not and what you are ambiguous or flexible with. The more you can ideally match a potential
marriage or life partner with your personal lists, the higher the likelihood
for long term satisfaction and loyalty is possible. On the flipside, you need
to understand what their personal list is as well to see if you are a good
match for them as well. It takes two to
tango as they say!
If
you aren’t convinced, here are some compelling reasons why matching your
partner as much as possible is important for your life and satisfaction:
- Divorce is a huge problem in the United States, with a 40-50% rate of all marriages. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.
- 23% of families in America are single parent families with children under the age of 18.
- Children from divorced families are more likely to have academic, behavioral, and psychological problems than children from non-divorced families.
- Average cost of a divorce in the U.S. range from $15,000 to $30,000. Matrimonial law work is currently a staggering $28 billion a year industry
- Top reasons for divorce:
- Financial Problems
- Young Age
- Less education
I
am getting married this year to my best friend, partner and love of my life. Neither of us are perfect individuals, but we
love each other and are well matched via our own personal requirements, goals
and ideals. It is a huge goal of mine to
have him and my future family as a priority and to divorce proof our
relationship from the beginning. As a soon to be newlywed, we are going through
a lot of process of learning how to combine our lives. From living together, to budgeting finances,
to family holidays. It all is a learning, fluid and new process. We also are taking financial classes, pre-marital
counseling and making sure to keep up our quality time together. Five months away from the wedding, it is very
easy to get caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle of life and just rush
through things. To get caught up in
planning the largest and most expensive day of our lives and not spend as much
time investing in the actual relationship we plan to be in until “death does us
part.” While the wedding is a wonderful
event and the symbolic joining of two becoming one, it is way more important to
be building the solid foundation that a marriage is based on for the next 50+
years. I look forward to hopefully having that, enjoying the best gift God has
given to us.
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